The Popular Parenting Trend That I Absolutely Hate

My baby recently hit the age where she is falling. Multiple times a day. Every day. 

I walk away for a second to wash a bottle or pee with the door open, and by the time I come back she is crawling at full speed across hardwood floors toward the nearest object (never an actual toy) that she can use to pull herself up with. Sometimes she is successful. Other times, she loses her footing, slips, and bumps her precious little head. 

Without even thinking, and even if she doesn’t start crying, I pick her up and soothe her. If she does cry, I tend to mirror her emotions by frowning and saying something like, “Oh, no. You poor baby.” 

This is very different from the way my fiancé, being the absolute monster that he is, handles falls. When Jade falls on his watch, he’ll say “Good job!” or “You’re okay” or something like that. Of course, he’ll soothe her if necessary, but his main claim is that we want her to be tough, and so we shouldn’t coddle her. Falls are inevitable, and we don’t want her to be so afraid of falling that she doesn’t explore the world around her or take risks. Or whatever. 

Ultimately, I think our different approaches could be a good thing. We are different people, after all, and as Jade’s father he plays a role in her life that I never could. So, I’m going to let him continue to handle falls his way, but I’ve decided to also write about why I think it’s bullshit. 

According to my smart and accomplished arch nemesis, ChatGPT, some parents and experts say “Good job!” when their baby falls to (1) normalize falling, (2) model resilience, and (3) avoid panic. 

I think it rubs me the wrong way because, if the fall does hurt, responding enthusiastically or nonchalantly sort of invalidates the baby’s feelings. I agree with (1) that it’s okay to fall, but it’s also okay (and, like, good and healthy) to express pain if that fall hurts or feels scary. 

I should note that I am definitely guilty of coddling Jade. Call me crazy, but I don’t think coddling a literal baby is all that wrong. Babies are not meant to be tough. They have their whole lives ahead of them to be tough — and they’ll need to be, too — right now they can just be babies.

The bottom line is that you should do whatever feels most natural to you when it comes to raising your baby. If you are advised to do something a certain way but your intuition screams otherwise, listen to that. 

Or, if you want, listen to me.